The thing I love most about growth is it needs water and sun in order to sprout. Each seed is different in the amount it needs, the capacity it can withstand for both.

But every growing green cannot live without a bit of yellow & blue.

The most beautiful greens come from the most ferocious rains and the hottest of heats stem strength through crusted ground. There is an area in South America that has never seen rain fall, the driest of all deserts, yet this desert itself enriches the sea through dusty nutrients. I think most people see these two powers as complete opposites, when placed in a context of growth of life: water and sun, clouds and dust, they flow. It is natural creation. But maybe that’s what we have such a hard time with. The “natural-ness” of it all. Perhaps we’d see differently if we had a mindset of a gardener when it comes to our own souls. Balancing, noticing, choosing warmth and freshwater, taking time to prune and replant, to hibernate, and re-soil. Just enough moisture, just enough sun, to sustain vegetation. I wasn’t, and still am, not always good at this…

“Any thoughts of harming yourself?”

“I wouldn’t dare dream of it given how many have already done so.”

How desperately I wish I could go back and protect myself from all the blows & burns, fingers & cocks, tongues & hands. hands. hands. hands.

It makes my blood hot but so very cold. My throat grows scratchy tight. My chest twisty. My stomach tightens and curls in on itself. Then all the sound and colors stop swirling, everything settles & softens when I hear: you are lovely and will remain as such.