what do I do now, mommy?

You pray. Pray to make the badness go away. Pray to make the fear and the anger not so big. Pray to make it stop. Pray to give your heart a space to love the ones who hurt you. Pray pray pray. That’s all we can do now.

She was two when it started, or perhaps it was earlier & she just doesn’t remember, I mean how could she? No one told her. And even to this day being 26 years older than when all the badness started, no one tells her. They don’t talk about it. So deep it is buried that she wonders if her mind imagined it all. Created a space of horror — for what though, she wonders. What reason would a young girl have to build a lair of lies that she was so terrified to get close to? There is none. So who are the liars? Who carries blind eyes within their empty sockets, moseying & trapped & ignorantly praying the world away.

To pray something away is the most passive form of involvement. The deepest fault of human complacency. To pray is to never care deeply enough nor to see another as different than your own. To only choose to pray is silencing circumstance through fear & projected sympathetic involvement of another’s sufferings.

Fuck prayer. & fuck the cowards with the cold hearts that sit & watch the ones they’re supposed to protect as they suffer at the hands of their protector. I reject your prayers, your sympathies brought through discomfort, your pity eyes, and silver lining bullshits. Prayer has never, nor will it ever be proof of love to me. You should’ve done something to help her. You should’ve done something. Help her.