The good of those

In my dreams… everything makes sense, everything is pure, and everyone is love. So tell me why you’re in my heart while you only ever live in my dreams. And all I see right now is a nauseated and delirious sleep full of llama dreams and sweet smiles brought by kind hands and wild hearts. I want only the wild ones. I drank myself into oblivion and buried myself into a hole so deep I hadn’t realized the darkness was all I could see. Because for so long, it’s all I had known.

A broken heart holds all of the pain and all of the feeling. Mixed and mashed with crusted breadcrumbs that tumble into the softness of a heart that existed for loving the one that is no longer living. And a consistent troubled, lost, and lonely shadow slips to be your only companion while you’re wondering when something so simple, so pure and whole, became the darkest and deeply apathetic part of you. While everything that is the you that makes you you is screaming to be uncovered from a dusky, soggy layer of your own achy-ness.

What I’ve learned in my little years and ample experience is that every part of your identity is kept sacred and safe. There is nothing and no one that has power over any piece of you until you let them. And there is nothing so big that can take away who you are. It took me a very long time to believe this and not claim it as utter bullshit. But when I was in a space of complete broken humanity, I turned into a girl that saw only color and quickly learned that all that color is simply a reflection of the love that created the you that you are everyday. And all that color is essential for the eyes of this world to see.