Stand in awe

I’m unsure when I started thinking this but I developed a mindset several years ago that I must do everything wild and willy before I’m thirty. Because after that it all goes downhill.

I went on a road trip around the US several years ago and it was then, in the dessert, in the mountains, in the water that I perfected a star pose. Legs spread, arms high, eyes closed, lungs full. And it taught me majesty.

I used to have issues with control. I would spin so frustrated when things didn’t go my way, being the stubborn ass that I am. I then learned that that’s such a waste of energy. It creates cobwebs inside the mind and the heart that to simply stand in awe becomes impossible.

I recently became vegan. It was something I did for my own body, initially—feeling heavy and foggy all the time just isn’t normal. Then it grew to be more ethically based, as I researched and discovered more. Perhaps it’s all our own ignorances and naivety to believe what we’re told when we’re little about simple matters like food and clothes; but when I let myself deeply ponder the things that humans had thought previously, for decades, I came to a lot of conclusions about life and the way I’ve been told to live it.

The word I picked for this year is behold. This word literally means to “stand in awe and be amazed”.

I learned just recently that I am very good at taking care of my soul. Some might call me professionally intuited, I’ve just learned that life is better when your soul is actively noticing. My guy was the one that whispered to me the same thing that I realize has been whispered to me for years, I just couldn’t uncover what it truly meant until I stumbled upon behold. Taking care of your soul is the same as taking care of your body, or it must be the same, as they are one in the same. I am not good at taking care of my body. To the degree that I had become completely unaware of the ways I was damaging it, telling it to shut up, always letting my soul be louder.

I had a friend tell me the other day that’s it’s interesting that I refer to my body as being separate from my soul, as though it’s a sticker that my soul and I picked up on the sole of our shoe while walking down the neighbor’s alley. Somehow I disconnect so much that my body isn’t my body and it shows it’s rebellion, singing it’s voice in many different ways.

Beholding is easy to do when you do it often. It is not easy for me to be amazed at myself, yet that’s exactly why it’s in my life right now. To choose to invest in myself is not something I do often. I am a billionaire investor in other people, but penniless with my own self. So, I thought, while driving through the Missouri sunset, fog lit by pink, what if I chose to invest in everything I am as much as others. Wouldn’t that near triple my wealth to share with my loves. Yes, yes it would. :)