I screamed-sang into the air and all of the darkness exploded in dust and fuzzies around me. I breathed and stretched and painted something messy and new. I soaked my hair and face in the cool water of the ocean and when I came home I saw it again: the wonder. I saw it again. My heart is in little shards, creating fire in my bones. Entirely broken and in complete pain but I saw the wonder. I can see again.

I absolutely love my job. I know I am rather good at it, as well. Somedays, though, I really hate it. And wish I could be just about anything else, until I stop pittying myself and remember that I can. Recently, I’ve been considering taking a little break from nursing, doing something else for work that I know nothing about. Or something I’ve always dreamed of doing, like becoming a surf instructor, or creating a business that celebrates people. Who knows. But I’ve been wanting some sort of change. Ha, it’s funny looking at that and realizing that I experience change a lot more frequently than most people, but damn, it’s like a good piece of cake, the more you have it, the more you want, at least in my experience.

One of my favorite parts about doing what I do, and probably the biggest reason I am able to do it so damn well, is I choose to do things everyday that make me feel undeniably alive. I act based off of my heart and soul’s response to life, more than my brain’s. Spontaneity is my full-time profession. And wow, I’m better at even that then I am at my job I’ve been doing for three years and paid hundreds of thousands to go to school for. I know that if I did not have this emphasis of character in my life, I would not be as good of a nurse as I am. And wow, I am damn grateful for that.