A couple days ago I went to a cafe after work. I demolished three huge pancakes and eight strips of bacon. I was the youngest and only female customer, watching as men sixty and over sleepy-stumbled to the kitchen counter, each having their own set spot. “Hey Joe”, “hey Bill”, “hey Jim”. I like watching community unfold in a place you’ve never been before.

I care so deeply about people. And when I care about someone I want to only ever be kind to them. But I‘m learning that sometimes, in the midst of my kindness, I sacrifice my need to express and be heard. Making me feel like my honesty is damaging and disruptive. And in the midst of it all, I feel as though my kindness is moot due to the nature of the information I must deliver and the reactions of the receiver. It’s moments like this that I wish I could read minds, to only ever give the person what their heart needs while balancing my own. It grows to be a stupid feeling of burdensome with an uncontrollable outside factor. My reaction to situations that seem to cloud your life is to turn nonchalant, chipper. To place some sort of bravery on myself that comes out of joy. Most often, this leads to an inability to acknowledge the height of the situation. Trying not to, but doing it anyways, compare and compare.

I suppose this is something that we will never be masters of; learning and discovering with every relationship. The trek of humanity. And a beautiful thing is everyone and no one is on the same page. All different, all expressive, all needing connection. And how wonderful that we get to learn and discover alongside one another.